Confessions from a working/stay home Mom

I have a confession...



I don't ALWAYS have a clean house.

Despite what many people may say, I don't always have clean counter tops, and yes, occasionally there are crumbs on my floor. Right now, as I probably should be cleaning my house, but I'm not because I am too busy feeling depressed enough about my house that I feel I need to blog about it, I scan my house and this is what I feel my house looks like right now.



(minus all the soda cups, cause I don't drink soda...very often. Also, the Chili's take-out was delightful, their chocolate Molten Lava cake is just a foretaste of the Celestial Kingdom...just sayin.)

Please, don't surprise me with yummy brownies cause my house looks like a war zone...however you can drop them off on my front door. If you would like to leave Vanilla Ice Cream with it, please knock and run...run as fast as you can!

Can a messy home be caused by depression, or is depression caused by a messy home? I've heard passing references to a link between disorganization on the outside and fogginess on the inside, but I wasn't able to find any research on the subject. I know that I'm no stranger to having a bit of untidiness in my life, just look at our spare bedroom right now while I "attempt" to do spring cleaning. There are plenty of other people I know who fall into both the categories of "depression victim" and "house cleaning challenged."

However, some people say, "Dull women have immaculate homes."
(I beg yer pardon!)

There might be some wisdom to the axiom linking an orderly environment with an orderly mind, but until someone does a study I'm not making any pronouncements. However, I think it's fair to say that a messy home feeds really well into the cycle of I'm-not-good-enough that depression creates and builds upon. If you don't have the energy or focus to clean, it's pretty certain you'll put it off. As the mess builds, so does the guilt. The problem gets bigger as the guilt feeds the depression, which diminishes the energy levels and reinforces how impossible the task is. You know the drill, you've probably done it to yourself. Charming little cycle of self-recrimination and self-fulfilling prophecies. You expect that you can't clean the place up, and your mind works overtime to make sure that it doesn't make a liar of you. Didn't think you had that much mental energy, did you?

As with everything depression-related, small victories add up. Commit to not adding to the mess today. You will not create another dirty dish without washing it. One dish isn't so tough. Keep up on not adding to the mess, and you'll see you can control your world after all. Then you'll be ready to take a step or two towards the bigger mess.

I say to myself, "Self! Keep making small victories . Don't try to clean every square inch of the house, but do try to wash all the dishes in the sink." Maybe washing and folding all the dirty laundry is a bit much right now, but how about just the stuff that you piled on your bed? Each time you succeed, you're teaching yourself that you are capable and you are in charge, and before you know it...your house looks like this!



and this...



and this...





OK, so I only threw those last two in there because I have wishful thinking about the home I will someday live in!

You see folks, mind over matter is my motto! However, my house is still a mess...